Santa's PML List

Every team has a need in PML. Not every team will get a gift this Christmas, because some users have been naughty. Here’s a look at what Santa could be bringing tomorrow.

ARIZONA CARDINALS: Defensive Tackle
Arizona ranks 27th in rush D. A run-stuffing DT would help this a lot. They currently rely on Tim Jernigan (yes he’s a real player) in their 3-4 scheme.

ATLANTA FALCONS: A new division rival
LQ is gifted 6 wins a year by playing in the NFC South. He could really use a new user in the division to keep his regular-season competitive.

BALTIMORE RAVENS: A Wideout
They already got their new user, now all they need is a WR and they’ll be good to go. Hollywood Brown will become a good receiver, but Lamar Jackson needs someone else to throw to. They could use an older possession guy.

BUFFALO BILLS: Coal
No sportsmanship for Goose. Stat padding is not allowed in this league no matter how much you love your QB.

CAROLINA PANTHERS: Coal
I won’t say the draft classes are lazy because I know tons of hours go into making them. I will say some individual players were put together lazily in the draft class. These players are a poor representation of their real-life self and make the league feel less sim.

CINCINNATI BENGALS: A Right Tackle
The Bungles would’ve made the naughty list last season due to their spam of triple options. They’ve since repented by toning down their option usage. They badly need a RT to replace Bobby Hart. Maybe a new RT could boost their running attack up from the bottom 5.

CHICAGO BEARS: Coal
The Bears are taking the competitive spirit away from PML. Mole is too good to have such a good roster. He dominates both sides of the ball.

CLEVELAND BROWNS: Coal
HD has two modes: troll and kissass. Most of his time in chat is spent provoking others. He occasionally takes a break from that to suck a YouTuber’s dick. Also, give the trade committee a break, they do their job well.

DALLAS COWBOYS: Salary Cap
The Cowboys roster is near perfect. They’re on track to make the playoffs and will keep most of their roster intact next season. They just might need a little more money to resign Dak Prescott. Maybe he’ll get franchise tagged again.

DENVER BRONCOS: Coal
Fallen should make a youtube series “How to get away with tanking”. He’s gotten a great draft pick in back to back Maddens due to some throwing away a season. He is way too skilled of a player to miss the playoffs, especially in his division.

DETROIT LIONS: Restraining order against Mole.
Poor Jose has been violated by Mole. Having to play him twice a season is tough. He could play him a 3rd time in the postseason.

GREEN BAY PACKERS: Fountain of youth
Packers will probably finish last in their division every season until Mole quits to work on Madden 21. Green Bay needs Aaron Rogers to stay on the field until then if they want a chance to sneak into 3rd place. The 36-year-old is having a decent season.

HOUSTON TEXANS: A Cornerback
The Texans are bottom 5 in pass prevention. They need a new CB to play with the older mediocre corners already on the roster. A lockdown guy would be great since they play Tee Higgins, TY Hilton, and Chris Godwin all twice a year.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS: A power back
After being blessed with a great offensive roster, all Burn needs is a power HB to spell Hines. All his running backs are smaller, speedier guys. Maybe not, everyone knows Speed = Madden Superbowl Wins appearances.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS: New offensive coordinator
Jacksonville is wasting a great defense by having an inept offense. They don’t have the best roster on the offensive side, but it should be good enough to push for the playoffs. They need a revamped passing attack.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS: Coal
The preseason is not an excuse for unsim gameplay. Force-feeding rookies for 4 games nets him coal this Christmas. As a side note, his podcasts are boring. I can listen 6 minutes before I hear one interesting point. At least Mike keeps it real in chat.

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS: Coal
Que comes off as a great guy, so it’s easy to forget he plays Bosa at DT. Bosa is an edge rusher and deserves to play on the edge. *insert weed joke* *insert Manute Bol joke*

LOS ANGELES RAMS: New playbook
Another guy that provides no competition for the guys he plays. The Rams need to start calling some new plays because what they’re doing isn’t working. They rank dead last in points and yards per game.

MIAMI DOLPHINS: Coal
Roster is cheddar. I know he came in with a bad roster, but he’s a good user to compensate for it. No need to abuse speed and move a WR to HB.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS: A Tank
Minnesota needs a big body to protect Kirk Cousins and pave a path for AJ Dillon. They have a bad record despite being ranked high in scoring offense and defense. Do they need two tanks?

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: New QB
He doesn’t need a new phone anymore now that he gets discord notifications. He’s actually playing his games. He won’t make the playoffs unless he gets a shiny, new QB to replace the 43-year-old goat.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: Coal
We are very rarely caught up on attribute requests. Since Nefarious is the loudest commissioner, he can take the fall for this problem.

NEW YORK GIANTS: Coal
Another user who is very difficult to trade with. His negotiation tactics aren’t the only thing that lands him on the naughty list; he is also a wisenheimer in the chat. Did you know he’s won every argument he’s had?

NEW YORK JETS: Coal
Bacon deserves nothing this Christmas for his tanking antics. He blatantly threw games to land a higher draft pick. He’s been a bad boy this year, but he can turn it around in 2020.

OAKLAND RAIDERS: Color Blind Glasses
It appears Derek Carr has lost the ability to see color this season. He likes to chuck it deep, and often doesn’t know which team he’s throwing to. He wants to imitate IRL Crablegs Winston by leading the league in passing yards and interceptions.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Coal
Won’t make a trade unless he gets a return twice as valuable as the player he is trading. He also wrote a questionable article on the PML website about rape earlier this year.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS: Rabbit’s foot
Pittsburgh has been hit hard by the injury bug this year. It has severely limited their running attack and has led them to a 5-9 record thus far. They could compete in their division if they stay healthy.

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS: A WR
They traded one of the top wideouts in the game in the offseason. Now they are dead last in passing yards per game. Their inability to pass will likely lead to a 10+ loss season.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: A new Xbox
Seattle has a good roster so I’m not sure what their issue is. Maybe they should join one of Fin’s Xbox leagues where the competition isn’t so stiff.

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS: Coal
Bring some competition to the league. Easiest division in PML history and the Buccs might go winless. He doesn’t bring much content or chat activity to make up for it either.

TENNESSEE TITANS: A beer
Titans has been a great guy to have in the chat. He should get what he wants this Christmas, and that’s to get hammered. A new QB would also be a good gift.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS: Big WR
The Redskins have been performing well despite lacking a clear go-to receiver. They’re passing attack is the only thing holding them back from a division title.

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